Happy New Year!

Soooo, this is it. The 2009 is about to end in couple hours. And I'll say "thank you" to this year but I'm not going to miss it. "Thank you" because I was forced to learn and grow so much, because there were challenges that I had to go through and I think I did well; I'm not going to miss it because it was difficult year for me and many people I know. 

I gained more confidence as a professional and with some help I think I finally figured out what I want to be as a professional and I'm extremely grateful for the opportunities particularly in this field (just to clarify - it is international trade and international marketing).

I gained more confidence meeting new people, going out with a bunch of people I see first time is like a piece of cake for me now and the circle of good acquaintances has grown for me.

I gained much more confidence with guys and was able to get rid of many stupid complexes I used to have and it works perfect! ;) I'm glad I have many guy friends now and I think working in a guy team played it's role ;).

I finally learnt to love and enjoy my curly hair! ;)

there are many other things I'm grateful for...

Yet, there are bigger challenges and lessons to be learnt in 2010, like being a better friend, a better sister and daugher (I guess you can never reach a perfection here). There are quite high goals and therefore challenges I set for myself in 2010 and it'll take some great bravery from me (hopefully I can have enough).

So I'm pretty much excited for the year of 2010!!

I love you all and wish you the best in New Year, I hope I'll get a chance to see at least some of you next year!

Love, love, love... I need to get ready for starting to make my dreams come true ;)

Something I write about too much :)

You may think I'm obsessed with dreams and goals and stuff and I guess I'll have to agree, because I believe that people have to have dreams because nothing can be better than realizing that you are living your dream, something you really wished for yourself.
But of course you not gonna get it just with the click of a finger, you will have to make the flow, not going with it.
I wanted to state it right here in my blog that I realized that I was living my dream last year, I can't describe how great and inspiring it feels to realize that. It was probably even more than I could have imagined and I really can't describe how grateful I am for that.

Never stop dreaming no matter how big your dreams may seem to be, they ALL can become a reality one day.

"Future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"

Free hugs

Have you ever heard about the "Free hugs" campaign that took place already in many cities around the world? Today me and some other people had this campaign in our city of Novosibirsk. For me it was also another way to "level up my courage", because you know hugging random people on the street takes a little courage ;) (You should take into consideration the "Russian mentality" which is not used to things like that at all).
But it was really unforgettable experience. People reacted absolutely different, most of them were up for a free hug, some of them were suspicious, some gave us really weird looks, some asked for our telephone numbers ;) But the most important were smiles on our faces and faces of the people we hugged..

Why don't you give someone a free hug and see what happens? ;)

Escaping from your comfort zone

So I have a title to give to year of 2009 in my life - it's a year of me being in the army training, army training for personal development and while I still have lots and lots to learn, I'm far ahead now from where I used to be even in the beginning of this year. 

And a big part of this training is about deciding what I want, what are my goals and learning to pursue them and learning to listen to myself and not "the crowd". 

I have been thinking a lot about changes, my comfort zone and everything. I've read somewhere that when something in your life doesn't serve it's purpose anymore you need to move on despite the "security" it might give you, because if you don't, you get stuck. This happened with my previous job - I've learnt so much there first year, but then it all became a routine, no learning, no growing,  even though it felt "comfortable" at some extent as I loved my co-workers and knew everything there, I really wanted to move on. And even if I miss my co-workers a little that experience is in the past.

Even if I have a new job now where I learn a lot and really growing professionally and incredibly extending my network of useful contacts.. I'm more and more realizing that Novosibirsk doesn't serve it's purpose for me anymore... I like this city, it's comfortable because I know everything here, my parents are here... and still I have this same feeling that I'm stuck here, I need to move on somewhere else. And I'm not talking about moving on to seek career in the first place (career is not my #1 priority), I just "feel" I need to get out of my "comfort zone". I'm scared as hell to do it all by myself, but I know I will do it and I know that I will only benefit from it.

And just today I read an article about going up a level in courage: "...What could you do today that would help you level up in courage? Where have you gotten so comfortable that it’s not even a challenge anymore? What are you avoiding doing that you know would provide you with tremendous growth? Follow that yellow brick road, my friend..."

sounds so familiar ;)

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

 The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
 

25

So, here it came - my 25th birthday... wow.. 25.. When I was 16, 25 year olds seemed "old boring adults" to me, but I feel like I'm no more than 20.. what is age anyways? I wouldn't exchange the experience I had for anything, but I'm definately not going to put myself on the same list with these boring people saying you have to be serious and live a normal "right" life... well I'm also not going to say they are wrong, it's just their choice. There are some things I'd have changed in the past if I knew then what I know now, but...
so I was hoping to make some conclusions I have come to during my first 1/4 of century here, let's try.
1. Children can be very evil and generate some inferiority complexes in you which, if you are lucky will disappear with time;
2. Parents ALWAYS want the best for their children, even if children don't agree first;
3. It's so easy to break something, but it's so damn hard to put it all back together when you realize what you've done;
4. The world is what you think about it;
5. There is something good in EVERY person if you can discover it;
6. When you are positive, you see a lot more positive things going on around you;
7. It's very easy to live "here and now" when you are happy, and it's sooo hard when nothing goes right, so you escape to the past or dream about the future;
8. It takes much courage to forgive and let go;
9. It's hard to keep caring so much about someone who doesn't see it and not be able to do anything about it;
10. It's really frustrating to get disappointed in someone you put a lot of trust to;
11. It's kind of fun to challenge yourself and do something you were afraid of doing;
12. The best advice-giver you can find is probably your intuition and your own heart, just learn to listen to it and trust it;
13. It's hard and discouraging when you don't get what you want, but be patient and you might get something much better later (still learning this one myself ;));

I could continue the list, but will stop for now ;)

oh and my favourite one:

DARE TO DREAM, BECAUSE ANYTHING... ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN

;)
 

Under the rain

I felt like I needed to take it out there, just let it out (believe me most of the time I look and stay positive on the outside, but this is what's inside)...
Today after work I had to go to my new future job for some instructions. I stayed there pretty late being completely overwhelmed at the end by the amount of information.. So when I finally left it was dark, windy and it was raining. I didn't have an umbrella so I just walked under the rain and waited for the bus... under the rain.. I wanted to cry together with this silly rain... I was cold and I'm sick so rain and wind didnt make it any better... I almost by accident got a new good job in the area that is interesting for me with the salary 3 times bigger than my current one, 3 days ago I got a new cell phone I wanted for quite some time (not a big deal but still)... am I happier now? I'm afraid not... This is not what I was hoping for (I mean new job in Novosibirsk), but I accepted it, I try to listen to my intuition and somehow it felt right to do... I don't know where it'll take me, I don't know if I'm making right decisions.. I was hoping for internship abroad but am sick of getting e-mails saying "we are regret to inform you that you were not selected"...I feel like giving up.. I feel like I'm not living but just going with the flow and this definately not making me happier..
I want to believe that I'm going somewhere and that I'll finally get to where I want to be maybe by a different road, but now it's harrd to keep hanging on as nothing seems to be working right...

so, standing there under the rain all I wanted was a hug, someone who'd really care... I can't express how much I want it, I was ready to shout it out into this cold dark wet sky... ohh whatever...

I trust (at least I really try to) that the way things are going will take me somewhere eventually, because on the way I chose I only see closed doors for now..