Under the rain

I felt like I needed to take it out there, just let it out (believe me most of the time I look and stay positive on the outside, but this is what's inside)...
Today after work I had to go to my new future job for some instructions. I stayed there pretty late being completely overwhelmed at the end by the amount of information.. So when I finally left it was dark, windy and it was raining. I didn't have an umbrella so I just walked under the rain and waited for the bus... under the rain.. I wanted to cry together with this silly rain... I was cold and I'm sick so rain and wind didnt make it any better... I almost by accident got a new good job in the area that is interesting for me with the salary 3 times bigger than my current one, 3 days ago I got a new cell phone I wanted for quite some time (not a big deal but still)... am I happier now? I'm afraid not... This is not what I was hoping for (I mean new job in Novosibirsk), but I accepted it, I try to listen to my intuition and somehow it felt right to do... I don't know where it'll take me, I don't know if I'm making right decisions.. I was hoping for internship abroad but am sick of getting e-mails saying "we are regret to inform you that you were not selected"...I feel like giving up.. I feel like I'm not living but just going with the flow and this definately not making me happier..
I want to believe that I'm going somewhere and that I'll finally get to where I want to be maybe by a different road, but now it's harrd to keep hanging on as nothing seems to be working right...

so, standing there under the rain all I wanted was a hug, someone who'd really care... I can't express how much I want it, I was ready to shout it out into this cold dark wet sky... ohh whatever...

I trust (at least I really try to) that the way things are going will take me somewhere eventually, because on the way I chose I only see closed doors for now..