Plan or not to plan?

For my whole life I was always trying to plan things ahead as it seemed to be the only right way to live. I'd try to plan all the small details even for a non-sagnificant event, not mentioning big happenings. Now life is teaching me not to make plans. Like I want something and I start planning on it and getting excited and then - BAAAM! - I'm getting let down, so I bite my lip not to start crying because it happened again. Now sometimes it even makes me laugh, coz "ha, I knew it!". It's like I'm learning a tough lesson - let go of your desires (note: not get rid of them, but just let go of). Here's one example (not a sagnificant one, but pretty demonstrative): back into spring 2009 I was excited for Varya to come from China of course because I wanted to see her badly, but also because we were making plans on having some "photosessions" (as you might already know I REALLY want to take up professional photography one day and she's a self-learner so it's a good chance to practice). So I was really waiting for it and was making plans on how we'll do it, when and where, creating different scenarios for sessions. And yep, her camera gets broken without a reason so she had to send it back to China. My disappointment had no limits and I had no choice other than give up on the idea for now and never talked to Varya about this again. Couple weeks later she tells me their camera has been repaired and sent back!! Our plan to make the photosessions is still there, but I'm not so "attached" to it anymore. I want it, yes, and we plan it for this weekend and we need a good weather for it and noone guarantees it won't rain or her camera doesn't get broken again or someone doesn't sick or whatever, but for sure I won't be that dissappointed this time. And I think this shows very well how our desires can and will come true if we are not obsessed with them. I just hope I will be able to let go of my desire for most important thing for me - having a happy family - and just trust it'll be real one day (before it becomes an obsession). :)

Here are some extracts from an article I found very helpful:

"It is relieving to remember that "this too shall pass". Life does continue to flow, and no situation lasts forever"

"By being placed in a state of discomfort we are forced to find the answers in ourselves to transcend beyond our static state of being".

"When it becomes clear that what once supported our own growth and expansion is no longer fulfilling that need, it is time to move on".

"Events happen in their own time".

"Relaxation, trust, patience and faith will allow one to have understanding and peace of mind".

"What was once a breakdown, becomes a breakthrough".

"It is imperative to understand that whatever crisis we are experiencing is happening to push us to fin our true strength and deepest wisdom within ourselves. As a result, this awakening will take us to a better place in life, and once it all unfolds, this newfound clarity will make it evident why it all happened the way it did."

Letting go

“The Tao Te Ching says, When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. Have you ever struggled to find work or love, only to find them after you have given up? This is the paradox of letting go. Let go, in order to achieve. Letting go is God's law.” – Mary Manin Morrissey


I know this is what I need to do - let go. Let go of what I dream about, what I want and what I'm struggling to find. But how? I thought I was doing ok on this, and maybe in some aspects I am, but I guess not really.

"Wanting something without needing it" - my current mission :)

If somebody wants to teach me that, ok, I'll be learning.

"The bucket list"

Have you seen the movie "The Bucket List"? I watched it with Kovalevy family when I went to Krasnoyarsk couple weeks ago. It's about "wish list" or about things you want to do before you die. All of us have this kind of list, some on paper, some in our heads, but we all have it. And according to the movie and life ;) we always seem to be busy with other stuff that we "have to do" and postponing things we 'want to do" until... it's too late.
The next day me and Sveta were sitting on a bench and we talked about our "wish lists". And guess what? I was really surprised realising that many of my wishes I had before have already became true. It's really amazing (and what makes it more amazing is that when I wanted it I had no idea how it would be possible)! To name a few:
- Traveling (I wanted to do it since I was 14, but at that time I knew my parents couldn't afford it, so it was just a dream. But hey, I've travelled quite a bit and far - who would have thought I'd go to South America!!! And I had my own money to travel, I was saving just enought to do it);
- Having friends around the world (originally I only wanted an english-speaking pen-friend and I tried to get one for many years - it was the time when internet wasnt so much used yet - now you name a country and I'll most probably have a friend there and I do have some really good FRIENDS in Europe, USA, Colombia, Canada...)
- Christmas in USA - was definately in my "bucket list" - I did it last winter!!

and there are some other ones, some kind of personal, some are just smaller ones, but again - at first I had no idea how it could be real :) And this just fascinates me.

So sitting on a bench there with Sveta I decided I need to have a new list now and I do :)

Dare to dream ;)